Typically, I’m a “fake it ‘till I make it kind of girl.” I’ve been doing this at work for years, and it’s seemed to turn out quite well. (So well that I sometimes wonder if I actually might know what I’m doing.)
But sometimes it gets harder to hold up the façade. Not the façade that I know what I’m doing, but the façade that life is easy to handle. That it’s no big deal my husband is away for an entire year. That Facetime, while amazing and wonderful, is an adequate replacement for sitting on the couch with my best friend, or better yet, laying together in our bed.
And then comes the guilt. Because so many military wives have had so much worse. Even non-military wives. So many wives don’t get to talk to their husbands on the phone. Don’t get to hear their voice every day. Don’t get to see their smile on a screen.
Actually, I should be happy. And thankful. And optimistic.
Yet sometimes, I’m just plain darned sad. Because I miss my friend. I miss him dreadfully. And it’s hard to pretend. To pretend to be happy, to pretend that everything is grand. That life without him is A-Okay.
Because it’s not. It’s lonely. And it’s miserable. And sometimes it just downright sucks.
Life without him is not A-Okay.
(But then again, if it were, wouldn’t that be worse???)